Out of toilet paper? BUMMMMMer.
I can’t believe one of my glory stories form high school is about the complete and utter waste of toilet paper!
Confession. I’ve wasted loads of it, toilet papering Ethan Broddrick’s house during my freshman year of high school, in the middle of the day! When our stash ran out, the senior across the street brought us his mom’s Costco stash from home so we could really do a good job. When his dad came home, we were in the yard. So I jumped the fence and laughed so hard with my friend that I peed my pants. How ironic!
You can listen in with the link below, but I’ve gone a week without toilet paper. As a girl. In the woods.
Smooth rocks in the warm sun, people. And a shovel to dig a BIFF (bathroom in the forest floor). ; )
However. You’re here right now because you are likely out of or almost out of toilet paper. So…
Toilet paper alternatives:
If you’re not up for smooth stones in the warm sun (which really is kind of spa-like if you have the right attitude about it), then here are some other actual options I would consider if it actually gets to that point.
1.) Travel bidets. Honestly, you may never go back. You can buy something marketed for this specifically, or you could probably find an old plastic water bottle with a spout. Desperate times, desperate measures. Butt… you may just love it!
2.) Leaves. Yes, its may seem a little hard core to you city slickers. But it’s better than other options. And what do you think your pioneer ancestors used only a few generations ago. It definitely wasn’t Charmin. If you’re in a southern climate, green wide leaves are great. Just consider your plumbing when you decide what to do with it.
3.) Bidets or diaper sprayers that connect to the toilet. Yes. Your-a-peein’ now. Actually, European toilets are such a fun adventure! They all look different. I remember my dad actually brought a Barbie sized toilet that squirted up water for my sister as a gift from his business trip to Japan. We still have it somewhere. Coolest thing.
4.) Reusable baby wipes. You can buy them online OR you can cut up some flannel fabric into about 8×8 or 9×9 squares. Voila! If you’re fancy, you can stitch or serge the edging, BUTT I doubt you’re fancy if you’re taking my suggestion here. Just saying.
5.) Smooth stones in the warm sun. Gosh. I tried to keep it off the list, but it’s like so my all-time favorite.
6.) Pine cones. Now you really think I’m crazy. However, that was all we had depending on where we were in the mountains. Now, truth be told, there are different kinds of pinecones. Teeny weenie like in North Carolina at the Biltmore (not advisable). Huge ones like in California. Super sharp ones and actually decently soft ones. So, I’m talking about decently soft ones. Just BE CAUTIOUS with the direction in which you wipe. No back and forth here. Just the one smooth direction or you’re gonna hate me forever!
7. Magazines. I called up Grandma and we laughed so hard! She said they used to use the Sears Robuck catalogue. “You rip off a piece and crumple it up. That’s the trick to making it softer. Because otherwise, it’s real slick!”
Please be considerate and DO NOT stock up on these…
1.) Baby wipes. Mamas in need actually NEED these! You can handle other options. Please be a little self-sacrificing and leave those on the shelves for families with toddlers and babies. Hence the name.
2.) Paper towels. Come on now. Leaves feel better than that, my friends! But if you’re going to use them anyways for that purpose, definitely DO NOT flush these. Bag them in the trash. It took me over 2 weeks to realize people were buying these as an alternative to tp. A little slow.
Conversations I actually had with my children this week:
Ok. So. Do you think we really need a handful of toilet paper just to go potty? What’s the fewest pieces of toilet paper you think you need to use if you pee? Let’s have a goal of 2! We can wash hands. How about poop? 2 + 3? I don’t know. Let’s see how it goes.
High five. Good game. Good game.
Need Other Paper Goods Alternatives? Stand by. I got you covered.
Can I tell you a story of God’s provision through signs and wonders? I have a few tales of toilet paper that were surely placed in my history of faith for such a time as this. Click here to listen in.
Everything I write is laced with prayer, redemption, and the bliss of surrender. If this challenged you and brought you to another step of faith, sign up for access to all my free printable scriptures and artwork and follow along with me: