At the altar Wednesday, Julie held me. At the altar Thursday, Grandpa Gary cradled me on one side and Carrie Ann held my hand on the other. That night at the altar, Peng and Ling and Sol. Friday, Sonia and Annette. Saturday, Catherine and a hundred other hugs and holdings in between. Sunday, I got to hold Evelyn on the carpet. She told me she remembers crawling on daddy’s back here, worshipping. I held her. Joani snatched this precious memory…

Sunday, we sang “I surrender all.” All of us, the Body of Christ, gathered together at the altar. I realized I was right over the place where my precious Dan wept on this very carpet. He saturated this carpet with his tears, his body shaking with the sobs of prayers and pleas before the Father. I knelt down in that spot, pressing my fingers into the carpet. As if pressing my fingers into his back again, the way I would when he wept at the altar. He was a Joel 2:12 man. He returned to the Lord with fasting and weeping. Those tears were his ministry. My girls and I, and our brothers, and the men of the church will always benefit from the ministry of Dan’s tears.

 As I opened my eyes through my own tears, I realized that to my right was Pastor Chris also kneeling with her hands on the carpet. I had an instant flashback to when she and I stood over Dan’s body in the casket. I stood on the left and she stood on the right, our hands on his body. Just like this moment here on the carpet. I remembered asking God to raise Dan from the dead and then I remembered singing, “I surrender all.” Pastor Chris, she sang with me that day. I remembered that I dropped down to my knees at the floor by the casket singing that song.

And here we are again, surrendering all, all over again. Truly, this trip was a surrendering all, all over again trip. Singing our surrender next to each other. And there was another in the fire. If I were just a half ounce braver, I would have just crawled up on her lap and sobbed! But I think it was the Holy Spirit’s turn to hold me.

By the last night of our visit back home to Omaha, I had been so held and so often that I lost count. It all blended into one big glorious hug from the Body of Christ. 

Then my friend Believer asks me, “Can I kiss you?” She was the voice of heaven. She kissed my cheek, but I knew it was Jesus. This whole trip was a kiss from heaven. The place of delight. And another friend wraps arms around me from behind and whispers, “He just wants you to know, ‘I love you with an everlasting love.'”

Early on in the trip, I wrote this poem. It’s not a tight and polished poem. It’s just a gush of love and overflow poem. So don’t receive this as a poetry critic. Receive this as my sister and my brother. It’s my unpolished offering. It’s a “sloppy wet kiss” poem. Twice after writing this poem, others spoke of carpet! (I took that as confirmation to share this with you!) A speaker, Mr. Steve, marveled at that place in worship where you are flat on your face bawling and you get a mouthful of carpet through tears and sobbing and you don’t even care! I shouted, “YES!!!!” with all that’s in me (and I’m a pretty quiet girl in public.) Another time, Julie whispers, “There’s just something really special about that carpet.” A deep yes of agreement bubbled up in my spirit. Yes. There’s something really special about that carpet. It’s the tears sown in sorrow that we will reap in joy. Thank you Jesus for a fasting weeping man, the seed of the righteous have been watered with costly tears. And they will rise up victoriously.

Hold Me on the Carpet Here:

The carpet here—

It takes my breath away, honestly.

I inhale and exhale and fall to my knees

Where I know you’d be, if you were here.

I rub my fingertips through berber.

My fingertips press in, like rubbing your back,

Like I did when you were here,

Weeping at the altar.

The carpet here—

I know is soaked in your tears.

The tears you cried for me.

The tears you cried for me,

And your daughters, and your brothers.

I honestly wonder if those tears

Were you giving up your life for me.

If you traded the threat on my life

And took it on yourself. I just can’t help wonder.

The carpet here—

It’s anointed by your tears,

Your fragrant offering.

It’s where Joel 2:12 became you,

And left you fasting and weeping at the altar.

I always said I’d walk through that hell all over again

If I had to because it’s what brought you to your knees.

You crying out for me is what brought you

To this place on the carpet,

fasting and weeping.

The carpet here—

It’s where you were so shaken by the presence of God

That you could not even stand up and walk away.

You had to crawl, completely undone in a way I’ve never seen a man.

I remember when you crawled back to me in the pew

And I held your face on my lap,

Your face glowing because you had seen God.

Your face to face encounter left you weeping.

And your face to face encounter has now left me

Weeping, here at the altar.

The carpet here—

Is where our daughters crawled over your back

As you lifted your hands high

And I kneeled by your side

And we were held in the presence of God.

The carpet here—

Today, it’s where China and Mexico and Africa and America,

The nations, they rise up and greet me,

And they hold me.

Cradled in the arms of the Body of Christ,

Cradled by grandpas, sister, brothers, mothers,

Cradled by the nations who praise Him.

The carpet here is a taste of heaven,

Right where you are

So in a way, I’m still kneeling by your side…

Because the presence of God.

The carpet here—

It’s the presence of God.

Oh God! He reminds me of the first poem

That you and I ever wrote together…

“Our love is like a big roll of carpet,

Stretched across the ocean.”

I never really knew what it meant,

But I loved the whimsicality.

And suddenly revelation rushes in

And I see that it was prophecy…

Our love is like a big roll of carpet,

Stretched across the ocean,

Stretched across the nations,

Stretched across the heavens,

And you and I still kneel side by side

When we worship our God…
Because the presence of God.

When the tears fall down…

Because the glory of the Lord.

He’s so holy, holy, holy…

And His presence lights up the carpet here

Stretching across oceans, nations, eternity, dear.