Do you try to protect God from yourself?

Today, my prayer went like this:Psalm 139:

“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart! Test me and know my anxious thoughts! Show me if there is any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!”

Father, every part of my flesh revolts as I try to say this prayer. My flesh has this strong desire to be kept in the dark and not let you see. But that just proves to me something needs to be brought to light. Search me and show me.

Psalm 139 “know my anxious thoughts”

Psalm 139 “know my anxious thoughts”

I can’t get past that line,  Lord. Why would you even want to know my anxious thoughts? They are so anxious!

“Why do you want to know your daughter’s anxious thoughts?” He replies.

So I can comfort her, speak truth to her, show her where there’s wrong thinking. I want her to trust me enough to share those scary thoughts so she’s not left to her own devices to deal with them. I want them exposed so I can pray for her, so they lose their grip on her.

Oh wow. You want the same for me, don’t You?

I guess I was not wanting to slime You with all this anxiety, Lord. Kind of like protecting you from myself.

But that is wrong thinking, isn’t it, because it keeps me from you. You use anything to draw us to you… whether our joys, heartaches, or anxieties.  All emotion is a chance to come to the arms of our good good Father and be drawn near to You.

Wow. I also like how you taught me all that just by asking me one question. You let me figure it out “on my own” too. You are such a good good Teacher.

I’m glad to be yours. I’m sorry I thought my anxieties would be too much for you to handle. That was such a small picture I had of you. You are so strong. So able. So powerful. So gentle. You are my rock.

I love you.